[ logically, john understands that this sense of closeness only exists in the liminal space of Communion, and he wouldn't fear dying even if he could be killed this way, but his discomfort isn't physical anyway.

a very human part of him doesn't care about intentions and simply craves being close to someone else. he's been alone ever since the dust had started to settle and he realised there was no one left. it's never gotten better because time only makes it worse, as john has always held himself apart from all the others. mostly. flings never really counted.

but the people he had known the longest and had loved the most had taken advantage of that and used his weakness to betray him. he grows tense, like an animal that allows itself to be held but never stops being ready to escape as soon as there's an opening. his Discord — which has peaked following their ritual, a murder, and an extended period of time sitting next to claude — makes the feel of him abnormally cold in addition to the rest. ]

Isn't that the opposite of what we're trying to do? Is this you making good on your promise to sow chaos by doing it by proxy?

[ he's great at pretending something never happened. ignore. deflect. do not acknowledge. he's fine! everything is still a joke here!! ]